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Psalm 139

Psalm 139


1O LORD, you have searched me and known me! 
2You know when I sit down and when I rise up;
   you discern my thoughts from afar.
3You search out my path and my lying down
   and are acquainted with all my ways.
4Even before a word is on my tongue,
   behold, O LORD, you know it altogether.
5You hem me in, behind and before,
   and lay your hand upon me.
6 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
   it is high; I cannot attain it.
 7 Where shall I go from your Spirit?
   Or where shall I flee from your presence?
8 If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
    If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!
9If I take the wings of the morning
   and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10even there your hand shall lead me,
   and your right hand shall hold me.
11If I say, "Surely the darkness shall cover me,
   and the light about me be night,"
12 even the darkness is not dark to you;
   the night is bright as the day,
   for darkness is as light with you.
 13For you formed my inward parts;
   you knitted me together in my mother’s womb.
14I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
      Wonderful are your works;
   my soul knows it very well.
15 My frame was not hidden from you,when I was being made in secret,
   intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
16Your eyes saw my unformed substance;in your book were written, every one of them,
   the days that were formed for me,
   when as yet there was none of them.
 17How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!
   How vast is the sum of them!
18 If I would count them, they are more than the sand.
   I awake, and I am still with you.
 19Oh that you would slay the wicked, O God!
   O men of blood, depart from me!
20They speak against you with malicious intent;
   your enemies take your name in vain!
21 Do I not hate those who hate you, O LORD?
   And do I not loathe those who rise up against you?
22I hate them with complete hatred;
   I count them my enemies.
 23Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts!
24And see if there be any grievous way in me,
   and lead me in the way everlasting!

Psalm 139 describes the intimacy with which God knows us. As Christians, we should want to embrace this intimacy and grow closer to God in it. Verse 7 refers to how we cannot escape God or His Spirit. Again, God is always there for us.

Something that I really struggle with is having the head knowledge for something, knowing it in my head and not truly believing or understanding it in my heart. 

This has been a struggle of mine for the past few months. I know God is there, but I can't feel Him. I know we go through trials to make us stronger and to test our faith, as someone reminded me recently. Right now, I feel as though I am completely failing this test. And I don't know what to do about it.

A friend once told me that God puts us through things over and over until we learn what God would have us to learn from it. But again, with the distance I feel from God, I don't know how to learn from it right now. 

I know that in time, God will reveal Himself to me as He sees fit and that through this trial I will grow closer to Him, even if it takes awhile for me to really grasp it.

I apologize for just gushing alot of my feelings and struggles here, but I really felt like I need to get it out there, and I wasn't sure who to talk to about it. So here it is.

Thanks for reading.

In God, Emily

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